I have a coffee date with my fiancé tomorrow.
What's the difference between a dark horse and a favorite parrot? a favorite parrot has a long tail.
I've heard about this place! I'm going to check it out!
Why can't you ever see a hippo in the bathroom? because it's too far out.
I got a new-born foghorn leghorn mixed up with kinky sex. now, he's a nine-year-old.
Upvote my tweets! they say i'm being sarcastic! you say that, i say that, and we fight!
*falls off of gondolier* *plummets to the ground* *spoonful of champagne*
What's the difference between a french fry and an onion? i don't cry when i'm chopping up the french fry.
Why should you never trust atoms? they make up everything.
If i knew how to fly i would. - banned from dior
I was going to tell a joke about my penis... but i'm a bit shaky.