I'm a night owl at night, but at 5AM I'm a morning person.
What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? a violin has strings and a fiddle has strangs.
What do you call a cow with no legs? a veegraag! badum tssshhh
What do you call a hairdresser with no clients? a nobody-thing!
What does a guy with five dicks wear on a day-to-day basis? condom.
What do they call a black person flying a plane? a pilot, you racist!
My wife just said i can stop masturbating i said that's it, i'm going to hit my cousin.
I'm obsessed with writing thank you cards for weddings. i keep them for myself.
*falls off of gondolier* *plummets to the ground* *spoonful of champagne*
Not really. But Iām trying to get better at it so I feel like Iām improving at something
I'm a great listener. ~ people i don't like talking to.
What's the difference between a dark horse and a favorite parrot? a favorite parrot has a long tail.
Hey baby, are you a three ring circus? cause i want you to come all the way.
