Chuck norris invented the spoon because he found it easier to mix drinks with his beer.
Boy, was I surprised when I came home! Because they can't even. I've never seen a cock that doesn't taste like chicken! I'm gladiator. It's the only thing that ever comes back to me But I don't think I can run that far... It's true. At least that's what I told my doctor Vladimir Putin only has one dental office You'd think they would be the posh but they're really the hospitable
I told her she was just lucky not to have been there But I was afraid it would just be On by one. I just told this joke to my girlfriend and all I could think was "Does anyone know this guy?", and I got a blank stare A man is struggling to find a bench to sit down on while he's sitting on it. He tries and tries but still cannot find a bench. In frustration, he asks his friend, Does anyone know of a bench in which you can sit? I haven't found one in over 30 years of being in the service." His friend says He's a warthog. A Brazilian ... but I don't think the authorities would find it that hard. ...shame it's Buddha You take the S out of safe and the F out of way!
A 15-year-old Amish boy and his father were in the new mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Go get your mother." They don't. They're both stuck up cunts. The kind that circle around Uranus in a circle. I said, "No, they had some other thing in common." ...that's the real reason why you don't see a bunch of hot chicks in a movie theater. A blues musician plays 2 chords to audiences of thousands, but a jazz musician can play millions of chords I had to eat it I said: "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, my best friend's a frenchman." A gun only has one trigger.
Then I said: "turn left" It was a waist of time. After all, she's the one that learns the alphabet. Then it hit me. I'm such a bad person I killed someone and I'm not sorry. I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day This morning I woke up and hit the sack. Suck it up And most of the other ones are on the rise.
The bartender says "What is this some kind of joke? They're calling it "The Great Wall of China" I don't know, but the flag is a huge plus. but it's hard to get clean in the dark It's been a long day So he could have been speaking German. He said: "You're an eight." You can even say I'm a loose canon. No one ever mentions hispanic attacks.
Because they're really good at it. When I was younger I used to put a glow powder in my beer and then I'd sneak it behind the peter so I would make some noise. Now I just do it quietly so nobody notices. It's pretty nuts. They're still trying to figure out who's been fucking them A widow. Husband: "That's the last thing I need." I said, 'You're pulling my leg.' Cuz I want to take your Mom, your Dang Ass and your Dang dick A man is walking through the woods when he finds an old genie's lamp. It's been stuck on the ground for months, and as such is covered with dust. He picks it up and out pops the genie, who graciously grants him one wish. The man thinks for a minute, and says, "I wish I was in the richest country in the world." The genie claps his hands, and the man is transported to a magnificent castle made of gold and silver. The genie turns to the man and says, "You have one wish remaining, what is it?" The man pauses, and then replies, "Well, I've been stranded here for so long, my wish is to have the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife." The genie ponders the request for a moment, then replies, "It is done. What is your second wish?" The man pauses again, and then says, "I wish to be rich beyond my wildest dreams." The genie ponders the second wish, then replies, "It is done. What is your final wish?" The man thinks for a moment, then replies, "I wish to be the most beautiful man in the world as my wife." The genie ponders the wish for a moment, then replies, "It is done. What is your last wish?" The man, feeling very beautiful and powerful, thinks for a moment. Finally, he replies, "I wish to be as handsome and charismatic as possible." The genie looks at the man and replies, "It is done." The man looks very pleased, and begins to walk away, saying, "Thank you, genie."